PEACOCKS CAN FLY?! o_O

It's fun to...

It's fun to go through your old things and remember the good times. Tonight I was going through my notes actually, not very fun at all. I was trying to find some old notes on photographers for a class. Instead, I found this paper with torn edges and a drawing on it. It was Fatman and fatbat.. with a donutrang, as hilarious as it sounds. All within a second... my face went from a smile to instant... tears. I remember laughing so hard when I first saw it and telling him "What the fuck is this? HAHAHAHAHA". I put the paper in my gr. 11 English binder to get a laugh everytime I was bored. Who knew I'd open it up 2 years later to be crying.

Don't let it end.

So last year my end of school blog was angry. Graduating this year so not really mad, cause I don't have to deal with all the same old shit anymore. Everyone's reminiscing and telling each other how much we'll miss each other. To be honest, I won't really miss much. By now I'm sick of the cafeteria food and the same people that wear the same mask you know? It's just I will miss the very few, including the one that's made the past 3 years of high school slightly enjoyable.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to write you a real letter like I did last Christmas, things were real hectic the past couple weeks. Truth is I've been thinking about what to write since March break and there's just too much that I couldn't put it on paper... Too many memories, thoughts and emotions.
To this day I still feel horrible that I never told you what she was doing, even though I didn't know for sure, I should have told you right when I had the suspicion. That cost the whole summer without you. I can't imagine not talking to you anymore because I've graduated. We live on the same street yet we hardly see each other. I really hoped the last few days would have ended better than they had. We didn't even talk that much, we haven't even talked since then...
Well I felt like writing a letter, don't know if it'll be much of a letter. I wrote a pretty good letter on one of the yearbook macs but didn't save it on my USB. What can I say that I haven't said or written last year? I got paint on the sweater you bought for me. My bad!
I remember the first year you came, we shared a locker and wrote all this nonsense all over the door and you threw away my red marker. You corrected (and insulted) my Vietnamese. You cockblocked a lot of the guys I liked at school. I never got you back for that cupcake incident either..
I did a really bad job watching over you when initially that's what I was suppose to do, but you ended up taking on that role and taking care of me. I took a lot, and you pretty much never asked for anything in return. I feel like the one time I should have protected you I fucked up, but in the end you forgave me and it only made our connection stronger. After everything I thought we'd be able to tell each other anything because I've been honest with you right down to the 'boyfriend' or whatever the hell his position is. I thought you were quite honest with me too in the beginning but now it's different-- I don't know I just feel that it is. I'm a girl, I'm not psychic... I can sense when somethings off but sometimes you're just tired and cranky in the mornings! You've given me so much that I feel there isn't anything I can do to repay you.. When I think about it I feel useless and that I couldn't ever help you. Whenever I felt like I tried, I feel that I failed. Emotionally you've put up with so much from me, thinking back to all those times I bawled my eyes out to you, fuck, how the hell did you put up with all that?
I'm grateful for meeting you that day, seeing a punk Asian kid rolling down the street on his bike with his blue hat on backwards. Watching you like a hawk turned into the best kid I've ever met and don't want to ever lose. I love you D.Duong and I hope this doesn't end

Thought of the night...

When things seem too good to be true
It probably is...

Speechless?

No. There's just SO MANY things that I want to say all coming at once. It's more than just this event. Do you understand that. I don't think you do.

Frustrated.. one of many emotions.

Okay. If you were going to prom. Asking people for two weeks who they're sitting with for dinner and they say they don't know. Then all of a sudden you go back to those people and all the tables are full and none of them asked you to join them. how would you feel? frustrated and mad right?
That's ME! People are telling me I'm overreacting, how it's just a table. Yes it is just a table but it's the principle behind it. Out of all fifty of you, not even one could think of me? Shows how much I fucking matter. Exclusion much. I feel that I try to look after others as much as I can and help them, of course nothing in return cause I know if I were in their position they would help me. So wrong. Who I thought were my friends aren't. Yep. It's that time of year again I guess.
Past two months I've realized this. They only talk to me in class, wave in the hall but nothing out of the school. So I took this time to recollect myself. Now, what do I do on my lunch? Eat alone, go to the smokers hill and smoke alone, go to the library and do work alone. God, I hope fam isn't reading this. or Denniel LOL don't kill me I love you. That's it.
My social life? None. It's just school and work. And as I just typed that I realized that's how my life was a year ago, but with a heart of stone and not heart ache. Had a clear mind and now can't get that kid out of my head. He's a whole other story. Appeared to be going down a certain path and then suddenly switched lanes. Where the hell are you going?
Don't feel like going to prom anymore. For reasons stated above. My date doesn't seem to be very enthusiastic about the idea of attending either, also said he thought I 'already had someone to bring' Kay. Why would I do that if YOU are the one I like? You're the first on the list. Obviously I'd ask YOU. I don't know if you just don't wanna go or if you don't like me any more...

This was to keep me somewhat sane, sorry if I bored you with my complaints.

Whatta trippp

Time spent well or time well wasted
I'd say wasted in all other cases
and this may be placed into the pile
Should I walk away and smile
Beginning of a laugh
Laughing at the fact that I thought I had something I didn't actually have
Wanted it so bad I was blinded
Dismissed everything and got misguided
All one-sided, now wondering where I went
Now nothing justifies any actions
Unimportant and unpleasant
but occasionally blissful
Once felt beautiful
Caught up in your euphony
caught up in the world of you and me
But actions speak louder than words
and words are just words
So what are you 'saying'?
cause I don't 'hear' anything.
Being alone was a strength but became a downfall
Acceleration to independence been slowed down to a crawl
Reached destination: Desperate and Pathetic
Stepping on the pedal and flooring it
drive pass it and not hitting walls or a pole
Solo and cold
but there's sunshine at the end of the road
Still carrying on without that little something he stole...