It's starts with one look from you, Then why's it end with my dream never coming true.

My eyes hurt.
So, I don't know how to start this blog off. I've been struggling to even form proper sentences in person lately... I mean speak one without a stutter or a shaky tone in my voice.
What is this weeks all time question(s)?:

• 'Are you okay?'
• 'You look so tired. Oh you're not?'
• 'What's wrong?'
• 'Is everything okay?'
• 'LIZ!... I saw you earlier... Are you alright?'

I appreciate the questions and am glad to have you to care about me but these questions just sends me back into a place where I don't want to be. Every time I try to start explaining-- I can't. I've been looking like a wreck eh? Last time I looked this wrecked was when my grandfather died two years ago.

*For those out of the loop, I may or may not explain later... depending on how I feel as I am typing this. He's probably not going to read it any way, I'm not sure many people read my blogs since I only have 1 follower!

There are so many different voices in my head right now (No, I'm not schizophrenic). I mean... different thoughts about taking on this situation, but in the end there's not much I can do. Don't you hate that? When you think, think and over think about a damn situation that you can't even put much influence in-- but it's the fact that you care SO MUCH that it's making your brain hurt.

-> I know what's going on, ever since you told me Sunday night it's been eating me. I made it look like it didn't phase me but honest to god the very moment I read what you typed I got scared. We haven't talked since then like cmon, I like... invented the whole avoiding thing homie. LOL Texting you seemed best cause I didn't wanna bother you too much, calling .. well.. you may be doing assignments and crap as well as I don't know how long I'd be able to hold my tone of voice until i get shaky or something. Maybe I'm just being super duper paranoid? But I'm usually right about these things. Daaammmnn I thought this would be a sentence or two but it turned out to be a damn paragraph! I don't want to turn this into a long ass sappy essay. I'm going to try to keep this as short as I can. Um... hmm... err.. argh. er...
I know I told you that I've been single for 3-4 years now. I think I did pretty damn well not falling for a guy if i do say so myself! But nooo YOUUU had to surprise me that day and I haven't gotten you off my mind since then.

**I'll just leave it here. I want to keep going but I'd be typing this all night into the afternoon.

I know it's taking a while for you to figure things out, I hope you sort everything out soon. Let me know ... Talk to me... something, because this whole what if stage is killing me here. I'm not good with this, single for so long-- why do you think I can't handle this?!